dear me

i need you. i need to think you are there, a better, calmer and wiser version of me. i am doing in a way is toward your direction. an attempt to make you a happier and calmer more resilient person.

dear older me, some days i feel empty. its hard to keep being a kind mum when for weeks in a row i don’t get enough sleep. when i am set up on 6 hours with interruption. often at nights i review the day and ask myself which moment i would love to relive, which one i would do differently.. moment of connection to the first one and experiencing joy with her is usually my highlight of the day. Also when small one with her sweet generous big smile do something new or take a big soft shit! as we are in a massive constant fight with constipation.

Oh my dear old self, i have one thing to share with you. every one, every single person whom i see, tells me that im going to miss these days, when they are so small and sweet. as soon as they hit teenage time, they are going to lock themselves in their room and never come out. you know they tell me ENJOY.

oh my! with the amount of work, sleep deprivation, tiredness and helplessness i experience, during each single day, it is truly hard to enjoy. The husband is studying and working full time, that means 8 hours of work + 2 hours of study and time to search for a new job.. is crazy time. he supports, but i feel like being single mom some days

long story short, i want to stop guilting myself for not enjoying it enough. cause i enjoy it as much as i can.

to be continued..