well he found the key and unlock his computer hard drive and got his 4000 word mba assignment and presentation and everything else.

was just a quick update!

as his pc was reloading, i started to get excited that things work and he got his key back, but he pushed the excitation strongly back and said its not finished yrt and im not celebrating anything. i insisted with an excited tone, that you found the key! this is great! but he said i don’t care! and there.. i felt strongly betrayed! all those 100 thousand time that he was wishing to find back the key i was sooo wishing to experience and celebrate the joy of finding it, and as he found it, it was as nothing happened. i am feeling heavy. on my upper back there is pressure and in my mind i have a big distance from him.

well at the end, he came about 30 min later and said that he got all of his lost work back! he was shining and warm from happiness. i got stuck in repeating oh so u got yr files back! i felt i am unable to express my feelings, they got locked up!

thats all 48 hours of being co-stressed about his study and job and deadlines, getting worried about him having to repeat a course or even a semester, and me with these two children strugelling alone friday evenings and saturdays the whole day while he is taking his MBA classes. for the last 7 month, 7 days a week managing kids and food and clothes made me resenting and counting down days until this shitty cursed MBA to finish.

dark side of me is in charge, I wrote these as i put the second one in bed and he is putting the first one. well i hope the first one also sleep and dose not wait for me!

tomorrow i have to take care of some paper work, some shopping and tidying the house.